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Daddy’s Issues – Chapter 8: You’re Gonna Give Me Stuff?

Welcome to the blog series; Daddy’s Issues, from Indie comic creator, Johnny Craft.  Come along chapter by chapter as this comic book writer explores the journey of expecting his first child and all the emotions and creative challenges that come along with it. 

Jovelyn Jade & Johnny

We’ve created at least three Baby Registries and we plan on having the almighty Baby Shower
this summer. One thing I’ve learned, as an expecting parent, that has come as a pleasant surprise…

People will just GIVE you stuff.

I’m in charge of our Amazon registry, which is why there are so many Batman things on there,
and even Amazon gives you free stuff just for making a registry. Their Baby Box was no joke
either. Sure, it had the standard sample size shit but there were full packs of wipes, full sized
bottles, pacifiers, a bib, onesie, swaddling cloth, the-fuckin’-works! Even if you are the most ill-
prepared son-of-a-bitch in the world, you can keep a baby alive for at least a few days on the Amazon Baby Box alone.

Jovelyn’s friend, Leslie, who is also pregnant (together they form the superhero duo The
Outside Placenta Girls) even bought us a crib from there! Big shout out to Leslie for that one.
She told Jovelyn that putting together the crib will make things feel more real. I’m excited to get
it finished… not necessarily putting it together, with all the instructions, “is this an extra part?”
and the “fuck this thing!”, that will come along with the multi-lingual assembly instructions.
Target gives you free stuff for creating a registry with them, as well. Their Baby Bag was pretty
cool too, though not as impressive. They had diapers, wipes, and other such samples in there.
Nothing fun, like a super-exciting swaddler or anything. They did have a cooler pacifier than
Amazon had, though, so… Ha Ha, Amazon. Step your game up. Target is handing out little animal-nose pacies over here!

As I write this, we still have not received our Babylist Welcome Box, so I can neither praise nor
mock their efforts… to help expecting parents… by providing free things to their child… who
they will probably never meet… yet they still give them free stuff anyways… Yeah, yeah,
mocking them would be a total non-Dick move on my part. Good on Babylist, for just existing.

That’s some noble work.

I’m definitely into the free stuff these companies are giving away. It’s getting me used to the
sight of all this Easter-colored shit… Seriously, why is everything pastel? The thing that weirds
me out about the Baby Boxes, is that they require us to create a list of things that apparently is just acceptable to expect people to buy for you.

Back when I was a young, unemployed, loser, I would be more than happy to take a handout
from anyone who would offer anything. Buy me food. Pay for drinks. Got any drugs? Ever since I “got my shit together” so-to-speak, I’ve grown more and more uncomfortable with the idea of people giving me gifts.

Birthday and Christmas presents even make me kind of uncomfortable. I’m not sure what it is. I
guess a part of me thinks “Dude, I’m not a broke-ass anymore. You should spend this money on
a kid or something. They don’t have any money.” but it could just be the fact that I forget
birthdays CONSTANTLY and feel guilty when someone remembers mine.

So, naturally, I feel a little odd about asking people to buy me things from my baby registries. I
have a job. Shouldn’t it be on me to provide for my kid? But hey, kids don’t have any money, right? Maybe that’s the rationale of buying from baby registries.

Realistically, it’s not going to be too difficult to get over the “guilt” of people buying my first child
a little Justice League onesie pack, or a Batman rubber duckie. The intention is good. I’ll always
appreciate gifts given to my little boy, and I definitely don’t mind financial stress lifted from my
shoulders. People don’t seem to mind helping out either, so I’ll get over myself.

I also understand that there is a strange satisfaction of giving a child a gift. I’m incredibly guilty
of spoiling my nephews and nieces (especially the niece that’s into superheroes and comics). It
almost certainly goes back to being a kid yourself, and remembering the joy you felt when
someone gave you something that you thought was amazing. I’m absolutely looking forward to
spoiling my son with tons of superhero things. He’s already inheriting one massive comic book collection!

My friends Jess and Zip bought him his first little baby books. “My First Batman Book” and “My
First Book of Superpowers”. Can anyone say “Perfect!”? Zip and Jess are the best.
I did a podcast called The Unhappy Hour, years ago, and an old listener (Aaron C.) hooked up a
diaper holder from the baby registry. That thing will get some major use, because if Babylove is
anything like his dad, he’ll be shitting up a storm after having enough milk. Thank you, Aaron!
Mandy is a buddy from school who moved to Cincinnati. The distance didn’t stop her from
sending us some breast milk bags, nipple cream, and some kind of boob ice pack. I appreciate you, Mandy, for trying to take care of my woman’s nipples for me.

Another childhood friend (Alicia) bought a Batman teether from the Amazon registry. She told
me she saw it and couldn’t resist grabbing it for me. It was the exact logic I used when adding it to the registry. What better for my baby to chew on, than a bat symbol?

The MVP of Baby Registry so far, is my old classmate Alysia (not the same as Alicia). She got
the little guy some MAJOR things. A Batman baby carrier, Batman high chair, all kinds of baby
books, and little Batman things! I almost had a heart attack when I saw how many things she
contributed to our little Batman. Alysia has always been supportive of all my endeavors and the baby quest is no different. She, very simply, rules.

For anyone who has, is going to, or will ever contribute to our baby boy in any way… THANK
YOU! Seriously. This whole process is a little overwhelming and it’s hard to drive these
constantly forking roads of “Why is this baby carrier $30 and the other one is $140?”, “How
many bibs should we buy?”, and hoping Babies R’ Us drops their stuff to 50% Off pretty soon. I can’t speak for Jovelyn, but I will take all the help I can get!

I will include links to our baby registries, below. Don’t feel obligated to buy me anything.
Honestly, I expect to pick up most of this stuff myself. If I’ve ever entertained you, either with this
blog, various other writings, or sharing my “special herbs” with you in person, I would never ask
you to repay me by buying ME anything. My son is a different story. He isn’t even born yet, so
he definitely doesn’t have a job. If you’ve ever been looking for a way to repay me for any
reason (not sure why you would), doing something for my baby boy would make me happier than anything you could do for me specifically.

Amazon Registry

Johnny Craft is a comic book writer, who is constantly looking for new talented artists to bring his scripts to life. Johnny’s physical composition is made up of 20% ambition, 30% talent, 40% coffee, and 10% illicit drugs. 

Edited by Joey Sheehan

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